Never Really Meant Goodbye

Here I sit wondering what to write,
What to say about a man
Almost completely covered in earth.
I know you wouldn't want me to,
But I can't help but cry when I think of you.
You held me up, made me whole,
A year after I've lost you, I've admitted you're gone,
but I can't accept it, can't deal with it.
I want you back here with me.
To share your wisdom and happiness
You changed so many lives
Made an impact on so many people
But none more-so than me.
You were my inspiration, my strength.
And now I sit, clawing my way up
From rock bottom, because I can't live without you.
I know I've let you down,
That you'd be so disappointed with all I've done,
Or failed to do, this past year.
I know you can't come back and
I keep searching for someone to fill that space,
But no one ever can.
No one's ever enough, there's always something missing.
I can never let you go, never forget you.
I know I should feel honored and thankful
That you've been such a part of my life
And I am, but I'm selfish, like you.
I wanted you here forever.
I know that I'll see you again one day,
But I need you now.
This is the first time I've visited,
Felt so close to you,
And now I never want to leave.
I want to stay here with you forever.
Now that I know my peace, my serenity,
I can come often...if I ever leave.
I want to take you home with me,
Where you belong,
In your big brown chair,
With a book filled with wonder.
I love you, you're everything to me.
I stood in this very spot and said goodbye
As they lowered you down,
But I never really meant it...

Only Words

As a writer,
It's hard to admit
That my art, in theory,
Is meaningless.
Words are just that,
So many times used
With no intention
And no drive
Yet we take them to heart.
We hold them
And don't let go.
We don't admit that
They mean nothing.
The things we should
Truly cherish, we don't.
A writer only knows
To appreciate that with
Which he expressed himself.
While not satisfying or fulfilling,
It is reassuring.
We should be smarter to know
That words can be manipulated
To create illusions of
comfort and safety,
But we still accept them
And let them take control
For they are all we know
And if no one ever shows us
How to feel real emotion
Then we surely never will.

This One's For You (Piece by Piece)

It's so disappointing to realize
Something I've been fighting for
Is fading, drifting into nothing.
I'm most dangerous, self-destructive
At this stage.
I lose all senses and emotions
And push myself as far away
As humanly possible.
I cannot shed a tear,
Nor can any trace of my broken heart be found.
It is gone, silenced until the next one
Wakes it up with it's fake, short-lived
Unbearable passion.
I vanish completely
Showing strength on the outside
But I never show the shattered pieces
Deteriorating and numbing me on the inside
Each time breaking more and more,
My body is infected with heartache
Reaching and searching for someone to pick up the pieces.
And I realize that person must be me.
I am the only one who can mend it.
Unfortunately the strength of my sewing is weak.
So I stand tall, glue a smile on my face,
And pretend to be the strong one I once was
Before men filled with greed
And words more meaningless
Than I could ever know
Came to steal me
Piece...
      by...
           piece...

silent heart

Silence, some say, is beauty
But it slowly deteriorates
Slowly becomes that with normalcy
That we try so hard to achieve
Try so hard that nothing
Is ever enough.
Reaching for something
For strength and understanding.
If I fall now,
I may never
                                          up
                          back
          get

That Feeling

At the start,
I'm infatuated.
Looking for something different,
something real.
I know I force things,
Get impatient
Sometimes I wanna give up,
I know I'm a little crazy,
Being pretty won't get me what I want.
Be calm, just breathe and relax.
When can I expect to not be let down?
When will I come first?
I won't force it.
I want it if you want it.
I want reality and meant to be.
I want true love.
From me,
From you,
I don't want it forced.
I want strength
With and without.
I want this feeling.
<3

Forever

She is a sullen face.
Here she walks among the shadows.
Her steps leave nothing,
But a shift in dust on the ground.
She smiles for no one.
Taken away by pain and degradation,
She follows the dust
Flowing, shifting, settling.
She lies sadly to rest
Lonely, quiet, and unnoticed.
Her body sinks,
Slowly and deeply into the ground
She is sleeping in a constant state of
Unconsciousness...
Falling,


        Falling,

                 Forever...

       asleep.

Downtown

I look out the window
All I see are shattered buildings,
Half demolished cars.
Lifeless remnants of a life they left behind.
I stare at the room.
Cold, dark and filled with reminders of what once was.
Lifeless remnants of a life they left behind.
This is my home, my tattered carpet, no running water.
It is all I have. I quietly wait in the
Lifeless remnants of a life they left behind.
Things, once beautiful, surround me.
All that can be heard in the distance - gunshots.
This is my serenity, my freedom, not
Lifeless remnants of a life they left behind.
This tiny square, so full of life, so full of wonder,
But constricted so quietly.
They cannot find me in the
Lifeless remnants of a life they left behind.
So careful and calm, I live in solitude.
No soul in sight except my shadow
In the flicker of the candlelight.
I am...
      The lifeless remnants of a life they left behind.

Simply Put

Simply put,
Love is an art
Of expectation,
Determination,
And loss of pride
It is retraint from
Asking,
Wondering,
And wanting
Love is an art,
Simply put.

Ignorance

In the midst of the night,
I breathe
Deeply, wholly
Serenity
I do not think at all
I do not feel anything
Silently, my gaze turns to the stars
Sparkling, bright
Like my hope for the future
Sincere, true
Two things you are not
You are helpless and insecure
But I do not think at all
It scares me
Thinking is knowing
Knowing how you feel and accepting it
It is easier to rejoice in the present
Unknowing and happy
Free of doubt and full of assurance
Success.

Chaotic Distress

Death and despair are always near,

A jungle of war,

Swords collide between flamingo heads

And snakes bodies.

A hunter prowls, gun in hand,

Ready to shoot at any second,

An unknown monster stalks,

Prepared to pounce in a moments notice.

A cave man looks over dead bodies,

Of fellow humans in a river of blood,

The souls of the deceased hovering

Around his weedy home.

A dark storm draws closer,

As a stampede of animals race past,

The old woman sweeping

Slowly falls to the bottom of a tangled mess.

A young woman is found

Lying cold and breathless on a cattail,

A man nearby carry the murderous

Stick covered in sticky crimson.

A man reaches for his fading love

In the depths of lush forest,

A guardian angel flies to receive her,

Stealing her away from the grieving soldier.

The soldier carries a friend upon his back

Before the devil darts to take him home.

A baby jumps out of a man’s neck

And sits upon a headless body.

Men and women dance

Below the demon that flies above them

A hunched over old man throws the grenade

That ends the silence.

Ability

Ability is to look at a blank page
And create a poem.
Ability is to stare into the eyes of fear
And come out stronger because of it.
Ability is to walk into a room of strangers
And come out with friends.
Ability is to admit you are wrong
When you are wrong.
Ability is to get back up
When you fall down.
Ability is to believe,
When everything seems lost.
Ability - A simple word with a
Complex meaning.
For many, ability is never found,
But for all, ability is within.
Ability stares everyone in the face
One time or another.
Whether your ability is to shoot hoops,
How well you spin when dancing,
How smart you are in school,
You have ability.
Ability is never lost by trying
But is lost for never trying.
Whether never trying to shoot one more time,
Never trying to bend a little more,
Or never trying to score higher in school,
Ability is within.
Ability is yours.

Love and Death

Six years ago, it would have been today
Five years later, I still can't believe you've gone away.
My love, my life, my soul,
I'm sure you've taken with you.

Ever since that fateful day,
No one just seems worth it.
How do I find a heart so loving as yours?
Why do I give up so easily, so fast?

It's so easy to just walk away,
Pretend like I don't care.
Every since that fateful day,
I don't know how to act or what to do.

You're all I ever knew
And all I ever can,
Nothing ever seems quite right
And probably never will.

Alright

You sang it to me long ago, 

Feeling down, I'd never be

With your sweet, sweet voice

Caressing me.

"Everything's gonna be alright."

Are the words you gave.

If ever a tear fell, 

They'd disappear when you played.

You were my dearest friend, 

Although sometimes quite a clown, 

You'd always seem to make me laugh

When my world turned upside-down.

That fateful day you told me, 

The day you were put to rest, 

Listen to that song, you said, 

When God puts you to the test.

I listen to it now

And although I'd love to cry

I know you wouldn't like that

So I'll just smile and look to the sky.

Winter

The trees are leafless, 

The flowers are dead, 

The white flakes of snow 

Cover my head.

Glistening in the sun, 

I remember a time

When this season was fun.

I'm blinded by beauty 

But shielded from the truth.

I glance up slightly 

As snow falls from the roof.

Lifeless and calm, 

As it may seem, 

Winter makes no promises

As the flakes just gleam.

Just when you think

The beauty is gone.

The snowflakes keep falling 

Like a never-ending song.

Locket

She gave me a locket, 

Not quite sure why.

It had a picture of him, 

It surely made me cry.

"Please bring him back,"

I cry up to the sky.

It's just my luck that 

My best friend would die.

Friends in this world, 

Sure to be.

I could find a bridge

And soon meet the sea.

A life true but unknown, 

He showed me this.

At once it's all around me, 

Ending in an everlasting kiss.

Childhood Memories

Swinging way too high, 

Almost over my head, 

One more push and I'm over the top;

I'm sent to the wall.

Powerless and incomplete

Smiling although I'm headed for trouble.

Glances across the distance - 

I don't care what anyone thinks.

Free of doubt, 

Further every time I reach

Lightning colliding with cool grounds

Icy with a warm sensation, 

Closer to despair, 

Boiling red slipping from his face

I move a little closer

I know he's gone for sure.

The darkness is setting in - 

A thunderstorm in January, 

Soaking wet, no drop of rain, 

Can't distinguish between blood and tears.

Fireworks above me, almost complete, 

I give myself one more push, 

Slowly closing, I let myself go, 

And I am now free.

First Glance

She walked in the room, 

Her hair tightly held in a

Routinely executed bun,

Her clothes plain and boring.

No one would spare her a second glance. 

She gracefully and skillfully

Slipped into a seat, 

Quiet and unnoticed just as she liked.

She sat down, sipping champagne, 

Watching waiters abuzz.

She sat alone, unlike many others

Who sat in company 

For fear of being alone.

It didn't break her single, 

Untouched spirit.

She felt content, 

Her eyes wandering endlessly

From table to table.

She noticed a man, 

Every hair combed neatly in place.

His clothes were plain and boring.

No one would spare him a second glance.

The first would have to do.