Never Really Meant Goodbye

Here I sit wondering what to write,
What to say about a man
Almost completely covered in earth.
I know you wouldn't want me to,
But I can't help but cry when I think of you.
You held me up, made me whole,
A year after I've lost you, I've admitted you're gone,
but I can't accept it, can't deal with it.
I want you back here with me.
To share your wisdom and happiness
You changed so many lives
Made an impact on so many people
But none more-so than me.
You were my inspiration, my strength.
And now I sit, clawing my way up
From rock bottom, because I can't live without you.
I know I've let you down,
That you'd be so disappointed with all I've done,
Or failed to do, this past year.
I know you can't come back and
I keep searching for someone to fill that space,
But no one ever can.
No one's ever enough, there's always something missing.
I can never let you go, never forget you.
I know I should feel honored and thankful
That you've been such a part of my life
And I am, but I'm selfish, like you.
I wanted you here forever.
I know that I'll see you again one day,
But I need you now.
This is the first time I've visited,
Felt so close to you,
And now I never want to leave.
I want to stay here with you forever.
Now that I know my peace, my serenity,
I can come often...if I ever leave.
I want to take you home with me,
Where you belong,
In your big brown chair,
With a book filled with wonder.
I love you, you're everything to me.
I stood in this very spot and said goodbye
As they lowered you down,
But I never really meant it...