Fly

The day we met,
I was broken, lost.
Quite possibly my lowest.
Your heart was silent,
Spinning on the dance floor.
Your impulsivity,
Carefree intensity.
Not just a bandaid,
But that first step after surgery,
The overwhelming pain
Overcome by the motivation
To be better.
For me, for you, for us.
Each step on my own,
Becoming easier, stronger.
The cautionary restrictions
Removed, allowing healing.
Quickly engulfed in
Your impulsivity
Undeniable intensity.
I am set free,
Running to the highest point.
My heart is overflowing,
Covering a rocky trail
Of forgiveness and acceptance
Of self, of you, of us.
Each step on my own,
Becoming easier, stronger.
Overcome by the desire
To fly.

Back to the Beginning

Sweet child, close your eyes

To the sound of rain falling, 

The sight of grandpa writing,

The smell of lilacs blooming and pancakes on Sunday morning.

Mom is panicking, 

Sirens blaring, 

Being pushed aside, 

Confusion, fear.

Never time to be great at anything -

Only a need to be good at everything 

Fear of closeness, 

Fear of failure.

Sweet child, calm your mind

Turn on the light, 

Close the door, 

Write until there’s nothing more. 

Intrusion of mind, 

Everything, do everything, 

Never let them see you fail, 

Seclusion. 

Death, destruction, 

Torn apart, 

Fall, fall, fall, 

No understanding.

Escape, moving forward,

Make up for your past,

Be strong, don’t stop to think, 

Close your heart, close your soul.

Sweet child, calm your mind,

I have you now, 

I have your heart,

I’ll hold you close and make you whole, 

You are home. 

Strength

I forgot what it feels like to matter,
What it feels like to make a difference.
I try so hard, make the effort
In all the wrong places
And never come out on top.
I just want to be me again,
I've made so many mistakes-
Led my life in the wrong direction,
Thrown my motivation into the wrong places.
How do I turn back from here?
I know what the right thing is,
But how do I do it alone?
I never realized I was weak
Until I was alone.
My strength and independence
Came from being needed.
Now, left with nothing
Why is my independence gone
When I need it most?
I just want to shine and be me again.
I don't want to fight for attention.
I want to fight to make a difference.

Passion

Cold.

Who is speaking?
Driving words - gone.
No meaning; no tact.

Are they lost?
Desires - burn.
Fluttering away, keep reaching.

What was it?
Glass - dried up.
Stained; memories gone.

Am I still alive?
Emotions - lies.
Still, motionless, unknown.

Am I breathing?
Page after page.
Deterioration; no fulfillment.

Breathe.

Autumn Flight

Among the cool, crisp air
A red shape emerges
In the green bushy brilliance,
Is a single autumn leaf.

I was expecting emerald,
But one single ruby, a leaf,
Had been deteriorating them
With every forgotten second.

Tornadoes of leaves swirling around
Calling to the death of summer.

The leaves take on a devilish color,
Soft, green petal quickly turn rigid.

I'm not sure which I like more:
The dead of night,
Or the noon of day;
The end of summer celebration,
Or the beginning of the autumn festival.

Catching my peripheral
Is a paradox of colors.
In my mind,
It's far beyond the imagination.

The weakness of knowing what lies inside a crunchy leaf pile,
Why do I no longer have the innocence of a child?
No longer do I enjoy romping among the rugged bodies.
I only see but a mass of jittering creatures.

Life can be reconciled in a single glace,
I only know to step upon them
As the leaves float to the ground.

You will soon be buried
Beneath cool, glistening
Crystal blankets.

Mentioned in conversation,
A leaf is hardly there,
So much compassion,
Change of mood and theme,
There is no recognition for
The beloved leaf.

Drifting past him,
He noticed a leaf.
Flying backwards,
Looking as if he'd just seen a ghost.
He had mistaken an autumn leaf
For fire.

The tree is bare,
The leaves must be falling.

I was awakened in the middle of autumn,
A single leaf fell upon me,
And nestled in my pocket,
Giving me content
Until the long winter came.

Childhood Friends

Sick and lonely,
Brought by friendship,
Given by fate,
Forever together.

Long, sleepless nights
Shortened by each other,
Holding tightly,
Shadows dancing in darkness.

Sunshiny days,
So peaceful and calm,
Beneath the lilac bushes,
Stories of clouds passing by.

On our own,
Too much time has passed,
Begging for you to return and hold me.

Crying through the night,
Dark and cold,
Salty tears fall slowly
From your innocent face.

Broken

Life changes so fast
so
                suddenly
trust
                              no one
It's so hard to read people
        so hard to
Tell if they're worth
    your time

Or if you're fated to
be broken hearted once more

It seems like life
                 always leaves me
          shattered

Maybe that's my meant-to-be
         my motivation

Forever                One
     broken        no
                trust